


Study Harder, Not Smarter

by lousy_science



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 11:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lousy_science/pseuds/lousy_science
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>IDEK 'verse. Chris Pine Vs. the Internet. Features mocking of tumblrs, abelist themes, procrastination.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Study Harder, Not Smarter

This could all be traced back to his assignment for the Gender in the Digital Landscape class and his ridiculous, pain-in-the-ass, scatty-brained teacher. She had rejected Chris’s original proposal for being too close to the subject matter of his first essay, leaving him scrabbling around for a new topic. He’d been resentful, because that earlier essay had scored him his first A+ since he got back to school, and wasn’t academia meant to be about specialization?

“If she’d let me know in time, I could’ve gone with the ESPN fan forum idea, but because she couldn’t be bothered to check her goddamn email, I gave that to Gale. And now I have three days left.”

“So back when you started your degree, academics were incredibly well-organised and not at all scatty?”

Chris grunted at that, and felt Zach’s laughter shake his chest gently. His hands continued to move over his back, working out the cramps he’d earned from the chairs in the computer lab.

“Back when I started this stupid degree, it was only in English Literature, where you expect professors to be tweedy and useless.”

Zach kissed the nape of his neck.

“You’ll come up with something brilliant. There’s gender issues outside of sports, you know.”

Chris knew he was whining, but he couldn’t help himself.

“But sport is my thing! That’s the only reason I took this class.”

“You have other things.”

“My things aren’t usually digital, or gendered.”

“I can think of at least one thing of yours that is gendered.”

“Don’t think I can fit that into Harvard referencing.”

Zach breathed over his shoulder blades, and then dug fifteen fingers into Chris’s side.

“Want to file it somewhere else?”

 

Two sweaty hours later, Chris was bundling the bedclothes into Zach’s washer, mind happily marinated in post-sex dopamine. His boyfriend was going to be home for the whole week, before going to LA for another book thing, but right now he was napping in the other room, while Chris took advantage of his excellent broadband connection. All was right with the world, and there was bound to be something on the big wide internet that he could churn a project out of.

It was his first semester back, and when he was studying in the college library he alternated between feeling really focussed, and really old. No way had Chris ever been as young, or as noisy, as these kids. He didn’t even take a laptop to class, rocking his Moleskine with pride, and found that he preferred hanging out with the other mature students and talking about Bourdieu in the café to going to parties.

 

 

One piping hot cup of the least gross herbal tea from Zach’s stash on his right, one warm computer ahead of him, and a clutch of notes trying to make sense of Donna Haraway sat on his left. Chris was locked and loaded.

Forty-five minutes later, the tea was stone cold and Tumblr had devoured his brain.

Chris wasn’t quite sure how it all worked – according to the wiki, this was a form of social networking, and admittedly he hadn’t checked his facebook page in months, but he didn’t remember so much porn being posted there. Or pictures of cats, or Saved By the Bell pictures, or heretofore-unthought-of combinations of his favourite comic book characters.

He clicked through at random, each picture linking him somewhere else that felt even more foreign to browse through.

Then he saw it.

Chris felt his jaw unhinge from his skull and fall to his lap. He felt like he had been suckerpunched.

“ _Zach_!”

Zach was still in bed. Zach was lying, blissfully ignorant, in bed while the internet was happening.

“ZACH!”

“Jeez, what? Hon, your assignment won’t be nearly as bad as you think it will be. Try the twitter out again.”

“No twitter, Zach. Get over here. But steady yourself.”

“I’ll explain hashtags to you properly this time. What are you looking at?”

He ducked his head down while draping his hands over Chris’s shoulders.

“Zach, there’s this thing, I want to show you, but it's serious.”

“Shit, what? Wait. This is tumblr?”

“These are- they’re VP porn and fetish sites, OK? Not all porn, some nudes, some just girls, or whatever.”

“Really? What’s that one – submit to _whatyoufindunderherskirt_? Whose skirt?”

Zach grasped his shoulders, but a big smile was creeping up over his face.

“Not that one. Focus. There’s a huge one called _fuckyeah_ – I’m sorry about this – _fuckyeahhotmutts_.”

“Huge?”

“Incredibly popular. Loads of followers. It’s really gross – they’re not porn but they’re almost worse. They take casual pictures of people and just stick them up under that title.”

“Uh-huh. Ooh, look at her in her tutu. She looks familiar.”

“Not as familiar as this.”

Sucking in air through his teeth, Chris clicked on the last tab. The tab he’d been staring at while his eyeballs dried out.

 

It was Zach. It was _so_ Zach. The picture had been taken at a party, at least ten years ago. He looked so young, and kind of drunk, the shot not any classier for being in black and white. Two of his arms were wrapped around his whip-thin torso, the other holding a beer cup up at a dangerous angle. His mouth was wide open in a shout of joy, or whoop of laughter. The cut-off shirt he had on displayed pale round shoulders, shoulders Chris had bitten a few hours ago. He clutched at Zach’s hand, wincing.

Over his head, Zach drew closer to the screen.

“How does this work?”

He was pointing at the statistics.

“Those are times people have re-used the image, or liked it. It means we can track some of the sites using it, do a cease-and-desist, but it’s going to be big – I’m sorry, Zach. This picture has – ”

“29,561 notes.”

“Yeah. God, it makes me so angry.”

“Scroll down.”

“Look, maybe you should sit down. ”

Zach ignored him and hit the space bar a few times. He began reading out some of the things people had said.

“Chris, they think I’m a hot piece of ass!”

“Are you even legal there?”

“What, shit yes, that was at Daytona of all places – friend did raves out there – oh, this is good. ‘HE NEEDS TO GET IN ME ALREADY.’ Also, I’m a perfect man! I’ve been waiting to hear that.”

“Don’t, look, like, God, I call you perfect all the time. Oof!”

Zach had apparently decided the optimal browsing space was Chris’s lap. He chirruped with glee as more notes were revealed.

“Wow, Sean is going to love this.”

“Sean?”

Zach’s ex. What the fuck was Sean going to love about this? Why was that allowed? Chris liked this whole deal less and less, and he’d started from a position of hatred.

“So you’re going to write your essay on me, the ‘most GQMFVP ever’? Look at all these _#unf_ tags. You think I can put that in my author bio?”

“Why did I expect you to react like a grown up?”

Zach let out a big belly laugh, one Chris thought was probably pretty close to the sound he’d made when the picture was taken.

“Chris, we aren’t going to cease-and-desist my beloved fans. Are you so outraged that people are jerking off over me?”

“It’s hate speech.”

“It’s masturbation.”

“I’m going to burn down the internet.”

“And deprive people of all those orgasms?”

Zach’s lower left hand reached to lift Chris’s head to meet his eyes.

“I know you’re angry about social inequality. But, baby, the butterfly on the wheel.”

Chris smacked his thigh lightly.

“Not everyone on here will be so happy about being leered at.”

“You’re right.”

Zach kissed him.

“And I love that you don’t fake your politics, or anything, to look good or impress me. Or anyone else. I know this – representation – means a lot to you. It just, it tickles me. But I’m serious, write your essay. Then re-work it for a general audience, give it to someone like Annie for her blog. Maybe the people who made this site will read it and think a bit harder for that.”

Chris looped his arms around Zach’s waist.

“They’ll probably be busy searching for pictures of you in a swimsuit or something.”

Zach hugged him back. “I could do a calendar. Take you to Aruba on the profits.”

“Your willingness to exploit yourself for my material gain,”

“Is adorable?”

Chris reached out his hand to shut down the laptop.

“Only a little bit, you hot piece of ass.”


End file.
